Published: Tuesday September 22, 2015.

I have no idea what I'm doing

Hi. I’m still not very good at this. Bear with me.

It’s September as I write this. Summer 2015 is done with. I missed most of it by being sat at a desk, which is what happened last year, and the year before that, and so on for too many years.

I’m not exactly sure what happened to me this year. January feels like a long time ago, and looking back at the relative pride I had from writing a bunch of words every day feels… kind of pathetic, actually.

I’ve somehow lost all love I had for everything computer-related. It’s gone. This website currently runs atop a thing called Textpattern, a content management system that translates words into pages. I’ve lost my way with my involvement with Textpattern this year, to the point that I wonder what the hell I’m doing.

I don’t write. I don’t even know if I can. I got so caught up the mechanics and technicals of Textpattern that I just stopped writing stuff to go into my own Textpattern sites. I sort of shut down, really. I got really frustrated with it, stepped away, came back, got more frustrated and confused, and currently I am a step away from Textpattern seppuku.

While I tried to figure out what it was that making me so frustrated with Textpattern, I set up Ghost as a potential replacement to Textpattern. The loose logic was that Textpattern isn’t a blog engine in the strictest sense, and Ghost is so rah-rah hot right now.

I patted myself on the back after a manual install of all the required bits and jigsaw pieces to get Ghost running from scratch (nginx, node, npm, and probably something else beginning with `n` that I’ve forgotten) and was greeted with an empty box into which I was to write text into a fresh, wholesome blog post.

Nothing. No words. Damn it.

A few seconds of dawning realisation later, I nuked the Digital Ocean server I’d just lovingly built and all traces of my Ghost outing were gone. Turns out it wasn’t Textpattern I was frustrated with, after all. What’s causing this current creative block situation is unclear to me.

Autumn/fall is here, and there’s lots that needs doing. There likely won’t be anything new here until the spring, whether or not new stuff is on Textpattern or something else is something I’ll figure out over winter.

Thanks for reading. Cheerio for now.